Caution: Doctor Dre is not a REAL Doctor
- Doctor Dre T Shirt
It's come to our attention that a certain medical professional, Doctor Dre of Compton, CA may not in fact be a real doctor. However, despite this news many people are reporting positive feedback on his treatments. One patient who suffered from anorexia reported great success under Dre's consultation:
"I used to starve myself, but then my doctor told me about a great herbal treatment which really made my appetite much larger" reported Laquisha Brown, a Compton native who never graduated high school and speaks very loudly.
In addition to herbal treatments, Dre is a big proponent of topical cream solutions. He mainly recommends one lotion which he calls "Compton Cream". Patients describe it as being a "milky fluid that is a little bit sticky". Dre asks his patients to apply the cream to their faces and the inside of their mouths. It is reported that he photographs this process intensely.
"Previously I'd never heard of a cream that you put inside your mouth" said Kiara, 17.
According to several patients of Dre there is a mandatory physical examination which must be performed at the beginning of each visit.
"He really likes to use his stethoscope a lot" said Felicia, 22. "Except, his stethoscope doesn't really look like the normal ones that other doctors use. It's brown and kind of warm... and he usually keeps it in his jeans."
Dre's insurance policy is reported as giving "Full Coverage" to adults as well as minors. However, he only accepts female applicants at this time. Another interesting thing about his practice is that often he likes to see his patients two at a time.
Here at Sarvate Studios we've created this T Shirt to warn people about possible (but not definite) fraudulent behaviors that may be occuring in the offices of Dr. Dre Md. Please help spread the word.
Foreskin Nigiri – Jewish Japanese Cuisine
- Foreskin Nigiri T Shirt
There are times when you're in the mood for sushi, but all your wife wants to eat is pickled herring and matzo ball soup. What better way to solve this unfortunate occurrence than by combining the skin of a young child with some white rice?
Remember, the pain experienced by a newborn Hasidic male can only mean more flavor in your mouth (use generous helpings of wasabe and soy sauce). A hint of ginger brings out the deep flavors of the Jewish covenant.
Ok, so you're worried that the meat isn't fresh? Fret not! Our restaurants are located only in the lobbies of hospitals, so you can be SURE that our meat is fresh off the "bone". The infants are still screaming as you swallow their little promises. Enjoy with some gangrene tea... oops, just kidding!
Our nigiri is made with 100% Jewish meat. You wouldn't want us to use Asian foreskin... you might think it was tamago. Sorry, that's racist. For the record, I have no problem with Japanese Culture.
Buy this shirt because:
1. People will think you are so crazy that they might want to talk to you (probably not)
2. Uhhh...
3. Don't buy this shirt
Suicide – You do it to Yourself
- Suicide T Shirt
We've all wanted to commit suicide at one time or another. It's a big problem all over the world and especially in America. In fact, suicide is the number one cause of self inflicted deaths in the United States.
What better way is there to prevent this heinous activity than to make a T Shirt?
Answer: Lots of ways. But a T Shirt is the easiest and we can possibly make money.
We understand that suicide comes from deeply rooted feelings which are implanted during childhood. In order to express this we have made the blood splatter in the exact likeness of the Nickelodeon logo.
Remember, you're never too young to commit suicide. I once witnessed a child pointing the sharp end of his diaper safety pin to his head, threatening to end it unless we answered "WHERE IS MY DA DA?!"
Click the picture to buy the shirt. What was the last piece of clothing you wore that had the ability to save a person's life? If you are an astronaut and you said "a space suit" then damn you. Why are you always such a smart ass? And do astronauts really spend time reading comedy blogs on the internet? ...and is there internet in space?
Yes, there is: http://www.space.com/7813-nasa-launches-astronaut-internet-space.html
Anyway, back to committing suicide. It is aptly named. It's a very large commitment. If we had to look at the list of things that require commitments, the list might look something like the following. From low to high commitment/difficulty:
1. Masturbate at home
2. Masturbate in a Kinko's bathroom
3. Cook dinner
4. Get married
5. Commit Suicide
6. Stay alive and deal with your shitty job
Moral of the story, don't commit suicide unless your job sucks.
Note to Self: Rewrite this post later, it is not very good.
Sherlock Holmes – Baked on Baker Street
Sherlock Holmes T Shirt
We all know the famous image of Mr Sherlock Holmes with pipe intellectually hung from the side of his mouth, revelling in the almost post-coital satisfaction of solving his latest mystery. But what really happened in apartment 221B after Watson left to take part in normal civilization? Well, I don't want to say the answer is elementary, but there's only one method of pollenating the brain in order to make accurate deductions based on minute details: (Look at picture for hint).
Interestingly, some unlikely etymology has resulted from Sherlock's use of this sticky sensimilla. For example, groups of young people may be observed in various urban landscapes referring to each other as "homes", "homeboy", or "homie". These modern colloquialisms originated when a stranger walking through Marylebone first recognized the distinct odor outside of the detective's residence. Watson, who was on the steps at the time, noticed the stranger's unduly expression and called out to him: "No need to worry, it's just my Holmes!"
The stranger, misinterpreting Watson's comment, did not realize that "Holmes" was merely a surname, but instead believed it to be a new means of referring to one who enjoys the uplifting herb. The word spread, not unlike an internet meme or a viral youtube video. A century long game of telephone ensued and 100 years later the hoodlums of impoverished neighborhoods began using the term.
Click the picture above to purchase the shirt. Feel free to wear it while solving your next mystery... or watching a mystery movie... or watching football.
Jesus Christ and T-Pain… Same Person?
J-Pain T Shirt
Here's a t-shirt I designed as evidence to support the title of this blog and for promotion of my upcoming video "Heaven is the Hot Spot". Click to buy!
A few reasons to support this outrageous claim:
* One of them turned water into wine, the other likes to drink a shitload of wine.
* Christ was a carpenter; T-pain was a bartender
* Jesus Christ raised young chickens; T-Pain bangs young girls
People have said that T-Pain's voice is angelic... after all he never misses a note. Facts and reasons aside, these two would make an explosive duo. You guys will see what I'm talking about when our new video comes out.
Trivia question, without looking at Wikipedia: "What does the "T" in "T-Pain" stand for?" Correct answer? "Tallahassee"! What's the upshot of this brilliant naming technique? Now you too can have your own rap/r&b superstar alias with a few seconds of work. Combine the name of the CITY that you grew up in, plus the NEGATIVE emotion or feeling that you identify with most. Don't be shy, I'll go first:
I grew up in San Jose, California and I feel tired most of the time. My name would be "SJ-Tired". Everyone should be looking forward to my up and coming single "Didn't get no sleep last night" off my new album "Insomniac".
Ok, lets get serious for a second. Lets talk Christ. He could turn water into wine. We know from science class that matter is neither created nor destroyed. That means that wine and water are made from the same thing. Oh yeah? Alright then Google, give me the answer... Oh shit, Google knows how to do it: http://chemistry.about.com/od/chemistryhowtoguide/ht/waterwine.htm
Anyway, so much for trying to disprove Christianity... see you in the next post!
History Comedy – Lincoln Signs Emancipation Proclamation
1863 was an important year. The confederates were secession crazy and if they even heard the word "Union" they would flip out and shoot a squirrel. In a bold step forward for equal rights, Lincoln made a daring decision in a moment of tantalizing pen on paper action. The White House air was thick with stern solitude and there was hardly time for being raucous. However, this video details a rather different temperament during the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation...
First Video Short – “Miltons Love for Zelda”
This is our first funny flash video as a comedy team. Andrew is our animator and Richard does the writing and sound. We picked flash because it is a relatively quick way to get animations done without sacrificing quality. We’ll be posting more funny videos and other projects here as we create them.
For this particular video Andrew is experimenting with a “style” of animation which looks very cheap but can sometimes work (ie. South Park). Simplicity is the key, but that doesn’t mean that being lazy is the key.
Prairie Doggin’ at the Office
Well we all know that humans and simians share a geneal line... but new evidence suggests that prairie dogs and office workers may be closer than previously thought.
Cubicle Color
Here is the original black and white we worked on:
Cubicle Black and White
First Attempt at Online Comics
So how did we meet? Well it was in San Diego that this disturbed duo began a series of completely unrelated activities including deadlifting, writing music, and taking unproductive trips to Santa Barbara during Halloween. Was there debauchery? Was there drinking? Were there girls? The answer to all three questions is a resounding “NO”.
Anyhow, our first efforts at some creative output took the form of comic strips. Here are some that we created over the course of about a month.
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- 1945
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- Cave Man Politics
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- Milton Gamer Extraordinaire
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- Noah’s Ark
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- Solar Panels
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- Neil Armstrong
